The Closing Chapter

Yesterday, after each of us had GRUELING, and extended days, John and I finally sat down together at about 8pm to eat dinner, unwind, and watch the NCAA game. We chatted here and there- especially during the commercials, lol, and got reacquainted from our day apart. We drank wine and looked through some recent pictures we took of ourselves, friends and family… We played with the dogs and talked about our plans for the morning and work… and it just felt like home to be doing that with him; to be ending my day just talking over a glass of wine with him. John and I talk a lot, you see- usually for hours at a time- about everything and nothing. We do that so often, in fact, that it’s almost beginning to feel like part of my daily routine. Get up, check. Shower and get ready for work, check. Work, go to school, etc, get home, un-wind, check. Talk to John, check- and THEN I can actually go to sleep, lol.

I suppose some people read a few pages in their current novel to begin shutting themselves down for the night. Others watch TV, or a movie… we talk. Whether on the phone or in person doesn’t usually matter, although of course I have a preference, lol, but it’s really just the sound of his voice that gets me, calms me, and makes me feel like I’ve lived a complete day.

And isn’t it a funny thing, how even after a brief allotted amount of time, someone can work their way into not only your heart, but your day to day life- if you’re open to it? And that makes me ponder further… if we’re open to it, how many people and in how many ways can others truly grab hold to the sustenance of our lives? I was open to letting John into mine because I felt a connection to him, and he’s been continually earning and deepening my trust for him- the same way I’ve let most others in. Family of course, remains something you’re generally born into, but the friends and significant others we share our lives with represent a significantly different side to our personalities. (Not always of better value or higher importance, but still, a different side.) Sometimes, perhaps, even a truer one because they become a representation of what we’re actually attracted to, or need in order to achieve fulfillment in one way, shape or another. We are not forced to maintain a romantic relationship or a friendship if we deem it poisonous or lackluster. We, in fact, have the power to terminate said relationships at any point in time.

And while it’s true that no one can, likewise, force you to have interaction with your family or a specific member of it; it’s harder to abolish relations if any sense of generalized family ties remain there. Sometimes we can learn to cope with infrequent visits with a family member we simply can’t seem to see things eye to eye with, or we keep conversational topics general, and to the point, etc.

But when specifically singling people out to be a best friend, a partner, a co-parent, a confidant, we put ourselves and vulnerability on the line to either establish, and nurture a 50-50 relationship, or we learn that while we thought there was a possibility to establish one, it in fact can not be achieved and we dismiss and dissolve it.

I choose to be John’s significant other the same way he chooses to be mine. We choose to be vulnerable and honest… we conscientiously try to remain consistent in our reciprocations… And because we chose those decisions, we’ve embedded our characters into the fabrics of each other’s lives. His touch puts me at ease, his thoughts stimulate me, and his soul ignites something inside of me.

His voice? Apparently that puts me to sleep, lol. (But that’s a very good thing to me.) ;)