Where to start...

Hello dear, dear readers...
I wonder if anyone will ever happen to stumble upon my words. :)
I'm excited to find out- I can promise you that!

A little about me...
I am a divorced 26 year old woman. My ex husband was an alcoholic and cheated on me. I have a wonderful boyfriend; I live with him and his son in a quaint lower of a duplex house. My boyfriend is also divorced from a cheating spouse who essentially abandoned all motherly duties to their little boy. I have stepped in (initially as a friend) as a step mother figure to the little boy whom I will call Brian. We also have a dog together, to add yet another man to our house, lol.

To be honest, my BF is kind, his son adorable, and the dog is cute as a button, but I know that there is a long road ahead. Neither Samuel (my chosen alias for my boyfriend) nor I is in a rush to get married... but out of this hodge-podge of broken promises, we have forged a family.

We are nothing more than what we are, and the love we choose to bring home with us each day. And as ideal as I am painting this story to be- because in many ways it is- I am wanting something more; I am wanting a baby. Not one with my boyfriend- too little time had passed in our relationship to have the likes of "forever" mutually shared for sure, but one entirely legally mine. Additionally, I might add that I was diagnosed with some pre-cancerous cells on my cervix. That medical news, mixed with the fact that I was already a high risk for pregnancy (due to three previous miscarriages) has led me to a decision...

I am planning on having artificial insemination towards the end of next year. My family thinks I'm crazy, my boyfriend seems to be at a bit of a loss, and I was in need of a voice. So here I am. I am financially and emotionally ready so please, anyone who disagrees with my choice just keep the nasty comments to yourselves. Feel free to let God judge me instead, eh?

I am gainfully employed at the same company since roughly 2002, have my own insurance, am college educated (and have plans to have my Associate's Degree completed before I'd deliver) and completely ready to give everything I have and am to a child. The only void I have, is having all this extra love to give but no baby to give it to. (I LOVE Brian, but I likewise yearn for the experience of my own child. Brian already has a mom I would never replace- good or bad as she may be. I want to experience the baby years with a child as well. I will not alienate Brian or discipline him differently or pick favorites... I sincerely love him.)

I'm not doing this thinking everything will be perfect, let alone sane, lol... I'm not trying to fit in, or achieve some unattainable dream... I know Samuel and I may someday breakup and that someday my child will ask where their father is... I AM aware ladies and gentlemen, but I am still planning on AI... because, it's what I feel in my heart.

It matters not what lies ahead of us, nor behind... what matters is what lies within us.