Assumptions

It’s a funny thing to realize you’re not on the same page with someone, isn’t it? Even worse, of course, when you thought you were, but whether it’s the other person that openly confronts you about the difference or yourself that catches you being the only one moving forward with things, it kind of makes you want to just step back and reevaluate, doesn’t it?

And what emotions stir through us as we step back and let the “factual” versus “assumed” information be absorbed into our egos? Sometimes, I’m sure there’s anger, other times sadness or betrayal… I think I most often feel disappointment when this happens. I can accept that no one’s perfect and that things and people change, but I think I get disappointed in myself for believing in the illusions I was fed, or even more so disappointed when I catch myself believing in the assumptions I fed myself because when that occurs, the only person I can hold accountable IS myself. And frankly, having to assume personal accountability for something we don’t pride ourselves on is not always an easy pill to swallow.

Which prompts the next stage in my reasoning… Does anybody even listen anymore? I mean honestly, how much effort do we truly provide another person in not only hearing them out in their justified vent sessions, but on a day to day basis? How much effort do we give our children, or significant others (the people we claim to love more than life it’s self) when listening to the average day to day stuff? We can promise forever to people, but by the next breath turn our ears away from them unless it’s something deemed “important,” or “out of the ordinary.” We’re so concerned with each BEING heard that we don’t even bother to listen to the lives we choose to pursue unless it’s something very good, or very bad. And if we’re not listening, then what honest opportunities are we giving to people to have us all remain on that “same old golden page?”

We become bored by repetitious conversation, or too saturated with our own thoughts that we quit listening to each other. When we quit listening, we begin to assume. With assumption we take away any opportunity someone has to change in our lives because we’re no longer giving them a chance to show us who they are or who they’re becoming.
And when we miss out on growing WITH someone, all we’re left with are empty expectations we’ve stabilized with our misinformed assumptions. And when those fallacies fail us, we’re left on hollowed ground with unsure footing, and only ourselves to blame. (Unless you were lied to, lol, then you can feel free to put some of that blame on the other person.)

We each set the pace for how we ask to be treated and what needs we insist on having met. We each have an obligation towards the people we say “I love you” to, to listen to their stories of a long day at work or soccer practice and all of the other random, and seemingly unimportant thoughts that come to their minds. We need to take the initiative to insist on being heard and, likewise, to actively listen. If we let people sweep what we have to say under the rug, then we only have ourselves to blame when we finally realize that we’re not being treated as though we are worth being listened to.

And if we do not chose to listen to the people we care about because we’ve got other things on our minds, or we’re tired, or we have work to do… excuses, excuses… then we are not deserving of anything more that the assumptions we lump together and the outcome they provide us.

And maybe when we learn to take turns speaking and listening, as we were taught to do back in kindergarten even, we’ll learn to not feel so over loaded by all our thoughts, we’ll feel heard, and we’ll grow together instead of into further assumptions.